Matador Fashion Athletic Shorts (Comes in 13 Colors) by Matador Fashion. Available in sizes Small, Medium, Large, XL, 2XL.

Less psycho than your ex, our compression pants feature a colorful print with deep purples and light oranges that highlight your best features. Whatever the occasion, our meggings are the perfect companion – but especially if you’re on an acid trip at Burning Man.

Why bulls love our shorts:

• Soft crotch cup conceals your VPL (visible penis line); brave souls can take it off to bare it all
• Open pocket for your phone, zipper pocket for your valuables
• Inner drawstring keeps your shorts snug; higher back rise avoids any “crack-ccidents”
• Shirt loop at the back to carry your shirt or towel
• Performance fabric, feather-weight, sweat-wicking, 4-way stretch, polyester &; lycra mix

Everything ships in plain packaging with no indication of the contents or the sender.